Sugar Packets

So, a lot has changed in 8 days. I can't tell you how many times I had the intention of sitting down to update this blog on how Roy was doing, or some of the amazing blessings God gave the family, or even some of the sadder moments of the past few days. But, I just never did. Time passed so quickly that it all seemed like a blur, but I can also say at the time, it was as slow as molasses. Kind of crazy I can compare the same time frame in such opposite terms. But, I can also say in conflicting terms that I cannot remember my heart being so broken, yet so full at the same time, either. You know, God is kind of funny like that. I learned a long time ago that God was not the author of pain, but the author of happiness, joy, and celebration. So, somewhere in the sorrow, God allows us to see the amazing outcome of what He so richly blessed. Maybe that is His little "bonus plan". He doesn't stop the hurt, but He sure coats it with some sweetness in a cool little sugar packet to counteract the sour. So, here it goes... our past 8 days in a nutshell...
or sugar packets...

After Hospice was called in, a head nurse, or charge nurse that oversees all the nurses that shift work through the days and nights presented himself. Sugar packet #1: Justin. Long story short: Justin realized he knew Big Roy. Turns out that when Justin was 5 years old, his daddy passed away leaving both his mamma and him without a man in the house. However, Justin's dad had this really neat boss that took the time to make sure that he and his mom had food on the table, support, and all around care. You know who that man was over 20 years ago? Yup. Roy Raley. Justin was so amazed that he was now able to take care of the man that took the time to make sure his family was okay in a time of deep need. God is good, all the time.

Roy's rapid decline startled all of us, including the nurses and doctors. Just two days before Roy became somewhat incoherent, a group of men came to see Roy. All of these men used to work for him at one point or another at Publix. Some of these guys were part of the "Raley's Raiders". They sat on the floor and in chairs around Roy as Sheila watched a constant smile on her husband's face as these men laughed, told stories, and shared "life" with their one-time boss and friend. After school, I came over and Roy couldn't wait to tell me all about it. His comment to me: "It was a good day." Sugar Packet #2.

Sugar Packet #3... Labor Day. Man, did yesterday stink. It started off at 5:30 in the morning when the phone rang and Jack jumped out of bed to rush to his Dad's side. I followed quickly behind. It was a long day. One that was emotionally draining, tearful, and all around sad. So why was it a "sugar packet" day? It was Labor Day, a holiday. ALL of his family was gathered around him in his last full day. It happened only because no one had to be at work, no one had places to be, and it was all because God blessed us with a holiday. I don't really believe in coincidences. God is in all the details...even Labor Day.

So, all the sweetness made today not so sour. Roy passed away in his sleep at 3 in the morning on September 8, 2009. 33 days after his diagnosis, Roy left in quiet dignity.

Oh, and one last sugar packet: ALL of you. I can honestly say that I never realized how truly blessed I was with all of my friends and family. Every one's outpouring of love and support has been nearly overwhelming. I never would have imagined that so many of you would be willing to send cards to someone you never met, or call and offer to mow the yard, make food, take the kids, I could go on and on. I am blessed. Bottom line. What a sugar packet for me.

Roy Lee Raley Sr., 71 of Eustis passed away at his home on Tuesday September 8, 2009. He was born in Water Valley Mississippi and moved here from Altamonte Springs in 1992. Mr. Raley retired as a District Manager for Publix Supermarkets after 37 ½ years of service. He was Baptist. He is survived by his wife Sheila, his children Roy Lee Raley Jr. (Christine) of Oviedo, Sheryl Raley DeTellis (Timothy) of Altamonte Springs and Jack Raley (Kelly) of Eustis, his grandchildren Vincent Raley, Richelle Raley, Colby Raley, Morgan Raley, Luc DeTellis and Kate DeTellis, his brother James Raley (Juanita) of Byhalia, Mississippi and sister Flora Mae Mills of Water Valley, Mississippi. Visitation will be held in the Hamlin & Hilbish Chapel on Saturday, September 12, from 10 AM until Noon, Funeral Services will be held in the First Baptist Church of Eustis at 3 PM Sunday, September 13, with Pastor Tim Grosshans officiating. Final resting place will be Greenwood Cemetery, Eustis. The family requests those desiring direct memorials to Cornerstone Hospice, 2445 Lane Park Road Tavares, 32778

Dear Big Roy...

So I sit here, trying to come up with something clever to say, but I've got nothing. I think I am succumbing to the lack of sleep, and the general stress of the start of the new school year. I have some of the sweetest 3rd graders that I could possibly ask for, but FCAT is a constant weight on my mind. To say that I am on an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement! My poor, sweet Jack is watching his dad slip away, and I wonder if "being a girl" and my emotional self is a hindrance to Jack. Yet, I must say, if it is, he would never tell me or express it to me. He is that kind of man and husband. I hope I never forget exactly how blessed I am, because forgetting what God has given me would be a travesty.

Hospice has begun their daily treks out to the Raley house. What an amazing corporation they are. I watched them tenderly care for my Pappa (my Mom's dad) when he was sick with cancer, and now I know that they are taking care of Roy as well. Not only did a nurse come out today, but a doctor, too. I think they will be welcomed souls very soon at Windsong Manor. (Sheila's name for their farm.)

Jack left work today early and picked the kids and me up before heading out there at around 6 tonight. Aunt Neely and Nanette are visiting, so it was neat to hang out with them. I truly believe the sweetest, most special thing tonight was seeing just short of 100 cards and letters in a bowl on the kitchen counter. Yes, I actually counted them! I read through them while Big Roy and Shi were visiting with Jack and the kids, and was so touched by the incredible sentiments left by others. What a legacy this man has left! What a life to strive to live!! I want to thank many of you for your heartfelt cards and letters. Debi, Jan, Vangie, Leslie, and Kim to name just a few...what blessings you are!




Roy spends much of his time resting and lying on the couch, as getting up to the table takes most of his energy. I am watching this strong oak, this sequoia of a man become weak. It is so painfully obvious that it disturbs him as well. I wonder how the anger does not overcome him. I have a feeling it would me. Yet, that just isn't Big Roy. It's not his style. It isn't even in his nature. I can say, that in the nearly 15 years I have spent with Jack, I have never seen one angry or less than "normal" tone come out of Roy's mouth. In some strange way, it is actually odd. But, that is the example of who this man is. Again, what a legacy to live.

You know, I wasn't planning on doing this, but I am not embarrassed for anyone to know what I wrote to Roy in a letter. I wish my friends that follow this that have never met this man could, and so since that is not possible, let my words be a testament to who he is.



Mr. Raley,

I know so many of your cards have been Anniversary, Get well, or Encouragement; but I wanted to send you a different one. Mine is a thank you card, one probably long over due. I grew up taught by my Mom to always send one within a week, but if I did for all you have done, I would be sending one weekly, if not more.

I want to thank you for the man you gave me. I feel honored regularly that I have been blessed to have married someone who wakes up everyday with the intent of living life how you have: one with integrity, honor, and respect. You raised a man who is not only a great father, but husband, son, and son-in-law. You set the example; the bar. Jack strives to reach it daily, and he does an amazing job at it. My children and I are blessed to be the ones who benefit from that. My parents have always told me that they prayed for my future husband before I was even born. God in turn answered and honored their prayers with Jack.

I have so much to be thankful for, and the thanks go to both you and Sheila for raising him like you did. Jack once told me that if he grew up to be half the man you did, he would consider himself successful. I couldn't agree more. However; I also believe because of who you are, to him, he will also have his children say the same about him one day.

So, thank you. Thank you for letting me in on a life well lived. A little piece of Heaven on earth you bestowed upon me. I feel honored, blessed, and thankful. Please know that I will always be a good conservator of your gift. You have my word.

With love from my heart,
Kelly,
a grateful wife, mother and daughter-in-law