Sugar Packets

So, a lot has changed in 8 days. I can't tell you how many times I had the intention of sitting down to update this blog on how Roy was doing, or some of the amazing blessings God gave the family, or even some of the sadder moments of the past few days. But, I just never did. Time passed so quickly that it all seemed like a blur, but I can also say at the time, it was as slow as molasses. Kind of crazy I can compare the same time frame in such opposite terms. But, I can also say in conflicting terms that I cannot remember my heart being so broken, yet so full at the same time, either. You know, God is kind of funny like that. I learned a long time ago that God was not the author of pain, but the author of happiness, joy, and celebration. So, somewhere in the sorrow, God allows us to see the amazing outcome of what He so richly blessed. Maybe that is His little "bonus plan". He doesn't stop the hurt, but He sure coats it with some sweetness in a cool little sugar packet to counteract the sour. So, here it goes... our past 8 days in a nutshell...
or sugar packets...

After Hospice was called in, a head nurse, or charge nurse that oversees all the nurses that shift work through the days and nights presented himself. Sugar packet #1: Justin. Long story short: Justin realized he knew Big Roy. Turns out that when Justin was 5 years old, his daddy passed away leaving both his mamma and him without a man in the house. However, Justin's dad had this really neat boss that took the time to make sure that he and his mom had food on the table, support, and all around care. You know who that man was over 20 years ago? Yup. Roy Raley. Justin was so amazed that he was now able to take care of the man that took the time to make sure his family was okay in a time of deep need. God is good, all the time.

Roy's rapid decline startled all of us, including the nurses and doctors. Just two days before Roy became somewhat incoherent, a group of men came to see Roy. All of these men used to work for him at one point or another at Publix. Some of these guys were part of the "Raley's Raiders". They sat on the floor and in chairs around Roy as Sheila watched a constant smile on her husband's face as these men laughed, told stories, and shared "life" with their one-time boss and friend. After school, I came over and Roy couldn't wait to tell me all about it. His comment to me: "It was a good day." Sugar Packet #2.

Sugar Packet #3... Labor Day. Man, did yesterday stink. It started off at 5:30 in the morning when the phone rang and Jack jumped out of bed to rush to his Dad's side. I followed quickly behind. It was a long day. One that was emotionally draining, tearful, and all around sad. So why was it a "sugar packet" day? It was Labor Day, a holiday. ALL of his family was gathered around him in his last full day. It happened only because no one had to be at work, no one had places to be, and it was all because God blessed us with a holiday. I don't really believe in coincidences. God is in all the details...even Labor Day.

So, all the sweetness made today not so sour. Roy passed away in his sleep at 3 in the morning on September 8, 2009. 33 days after his diagnosis, Roy left in quiet dignity.

Oh, and one last sugar packet: ALL of you. I can honestly say that I never realized how truly blessed I was with all of my friends and family. Every one's outpouring of love and support has been nearly overwhelming. I never would have imagined that so many of you would be willing to send cards to someone you never met, or call and offer to mow the yard, make food, take the kids, I could go on and on. I am blessed. Bottom line. What a sugar packet for me.

Roy Lee Raley Sr., 71 of Eustis passed away at his home on Tuesday September 8, 2009. He was born in Water Valley Mississippi and moved here from Altamonte Springs in 1992. Mr. Raley retired as a District Manager for Publix Supermarkets after 37 ½ years of service. He was Baptist. He is survived by his wife Sheila, his children Roy Lee Raley Jr. (Christine) of Oviedo, Sheryl Raley DeTellis (Timothy) of Altamonte Springs and Jack Raley (Kelly) of Eustis, his grandchildren Vincent Raley, Richelle Raley, Colby Raley, Morgan Raley, Luc DeTellis and Kate DeTellis, his brother James Raley (Juanita) of Byhalia, Mississippi and sister Flora Mae Mills of Water Valley, Mississippi. Visitation will be held in the Hamlin & Hilbish Chapel on Saturday, September 12, from 10 AM until Noon, Funeral Services will be held in the First Baptist Church of Eustis at 3 PM Sunday, September 13, with Pastor Tim Grosshans officiating. Final resting place will be Greenwood Cemetery, Eustis. The family requests those desiring direct memorials to Cornerstone Hospice, 2445 Lane Park Road Tavares, 32778

Dear Big Roy...

So I sit here, trying to come up with something clever to say, but I've got nothing. I think I am succumbing to the lack of sleep, and the general stress of the start of the new school year. I have some of the sweetest 3rd graders that I could possibly ask for, but FCAT is a constant weight on my mind. To say that I am on an emotional roller coaster would be an understatement! My poor, sweet Jack is watching his dad slip away, and I wonder if "being a girl" and my emotional self is a hindrance to Jack. Yet, I must say, if it is, he would never tell me or express it to me. He is that kind of man and husband. I hope I never forget exactly how blessed I am, because forgetting what God has given me would be a travesty.

Hospice has begun their daily treks out to the Raley house. What an amazing corporation they are. I watched them tenderly care for my Pappa (my Mom's dad) when he was sick with cancer, and now I know that they are taking care of Roy as well. Not only did a nurse come out today, but a doctor, too. I think they will be welcomed souls very soon at Windsong Manor. (Sheila's name for their farm.)

Jack left work today early and picked the kids and me up before heading out there at around 6 tonight. Aunt Neely and Nanette are visiting, so it was neat to hang out with them. I truly believe the sweetest, most special thing tonight was seeing just short of 100 cards and letters in a bowl on the kitchen counter. Yes, I actually counted them! I read through them while Big Roy and Shi were visiting with Jack and the kids, and was so touched by the incredible sentiments left by others. What a legacy this man has left! What a life to strive to live!! I want to thank many of you for your heartfelt cards and letters. Debi, Jan, Vangie, Leslie, and Kim to name just a few...what blessings you are!




Roy spends much of his time resting and lying on the couch, as getting up to the table takes most of his energy. I am watching this strong oak, this sequoia of a man become weak. It is so painfully obvious that it disturbs him as well. I wonder how the anger does not overcome him. I have a feeling it would me. Yet, that just isn't Big Roy. It's not his style. It isn't even in his nature. I can say, that in the nearly 15 years I have spent with Jack, I have never seen one angry or less than "normal" tone come out of Roy's mouth. In some strange way, it is actually odd. But, that is the example of who this man is. Again, what a legacy to live.

You know, I wasn't planning on doing this, but I am not embarrassed for anyone to know what I wrote to Roy in a letter. I wish my friends that follow this that have never met this man could, and so since that is not possible, let my words be a testament to who he is.



Mr. Raley,

I know so many of your cards have been Anniversary, Get well, or Encouragement; but I wanted to send you a different one. Mine is a thank you card, one probably long over due. I grew up taught by my Mom to always send one within a week, but if I did for all you have done, I would be sending one weekly, if not more.

I want to thank you for the man you gave me. I feel honored regularly that I have been blessed to have married someone who wakes up everyday with the intent of living life how you have: one with integrity, honor, and respect. You raised a man who is not only a great father, but husband, son, and son-in-law. You set the example; the bar. Jack strives to reach it daily, and he does an amazing job at it. My children and I are blessed to be the ones who benefit from that. My parents have always told me that they prayed for my future husband before I was even born. God in turn answered and honored their prayers with Jack.

I have so much to be thankful for, and the thanks go to both you and Sheila for raising him like you did. Jack once told me that if he grew up to be half the man you did, he would consider himself successful. I couldn't agree more. However; I also believe because of who you are, to him, he will also have his children say the same about him one day.

So, thank you. Thank you for letting me in on a life well lived. A little piece of Heaven on earth you bestowed upon me. I feel honored, blessed, and thankful. Please know that I will always be a good conservator of your gift. You have my word.

With love from my heart,
Kelly,
a grateful wife, mother and daughter-in-law

In The Blink of an Eye

In the blink of an eye, the world changed today. As I updated yesterday, Roy went in for surgery this morning to have an external stint placed in his liver to relieve his body of some of the toxins that have been building up in him as a result of the cancer invading his liver. His feet have swelled, his skin changed colors, and he has had an all-over sick feeling for the past few days. Once prepped and ready for the surgery, plans changed once his blood levels came back with poor potassium levels. The surgery was then postponed for 4 hours in an attempt to raise his levels with external help. After 4 hours, the levels were checked again, but to no avail. In a last ditch effort, Dr. Levine was called in to attempt an internal stint at a near emergency state at 4:00. Less than 30 minutes later, Dr. Levine informed everyone that after 2 attempts, failure was the outcome.

So, what does that mean? Several things. First, Roy's body is being attacked by his own toxins that the liver is incapable of processing and expelling. As a result, the Bilirubin count is excessive, which then causes other levels to rise, which disallows Chemotherapy treatment. Bottom line: no treatment is now available, and what was a possible 3 month to 6 month life span has been cut down to days to weeks.

Life changes in the blink of an eye. Jack and I have said that same phrase so many times while passing an ambulance, watching a Life Flight helicopter, and so many other times. It's just never been us... it's never been our family... it's never hurt this stinking much!! Just minutes ago, I drove home in the rain, absolutely bawling and questioning God. Not 3 minutes after I began my pity party, I was reminded of the very song I posted this past week: "And as the thunder rolls, I barely hear Your whisper through the rain, I'M WITH YOU!" That's right, I'M WITH YOU!!! He has not deserted, He has not walked away. So, like the song says, "I'll raise my hands and praise the God who gives and takes away. ...and every tear I cry, YOU HOLD IN YOUR HAND!" I haven't forgotten, I just needed to be reminded.

I took the sweetest picture today. I started to post it, but worried it was "too personal" right now. While talking final matters at the kitchen table and helping Shi by making phone calls, Jack went to check on his Dad and found Colby curled up beside him in bed, "doing his job". I will post that picture sometime, but until then, just know amidst the sorrow, we are blessed. Blessed with family, blessed with love, blessed with the Peace that passes all understanding.

I know I called many of you tonight from Big Roy and Shi's house. If I didn't, it was because our heads were clouded, and it was unintentional. Please do not hesitate to call me at home, and I will update you as Sheila is too overwhelmed to speak. Love you all. 352-483-4306.

First Day of School

School started today for Colby and Morgan, and Mommy, too! My Colby walked in as a 3rd grader, my Morgan as a 1st grader, and Mommy teaching 3rd grade! It is a new year for all of us, as I have never taught 3rd grade. I have K, 1, and 2 all under my belt, but 3rd is definitely a new one for me! My nerves have been somewhat shot during this process of preparing for teaching this summer as the "dreaded" FCAT is taken this year. For those of you out of state, FCAT is our state's "big dog" test to decide whether the students are learning and the teachers are teaching. Needless to say, in 3rd, the pressure is ON!! I consider it an honor to be asked to teach 3rd, as the test scores in my class will reflect upon the whole school, but I also consider it a nightmare... a nightmare I intend on making a sweet dream through prayer and hard work. Can you tell I recently finished the Battlefield of the Mind Bible Study on positive thinking by Joyce Meyers? HAHAHA!! The flowers in the picture below were so thoughtfully given to me first thing in the morning by Colby's former 1st grade teacher, Mrs. Armitage. She wrote me the sweetest card in which she not only expressed how very much she wished me good wishes for the school year, but also encouragement through this journey with Big Roy, as we affectionately call him. Just reading the card put me at a relaxed state, and I praised God for the unforeseen encouragement around every corner.



Tomorrow is another big day for the Raley family. Roy will be having yet another surgery to have a stint placed in his liver. This will hopefully relieve some of the toxin build-up in his body, and also relieve some of the painful swelling in Big Roy's legs. Jack is taking the day off of work to be with Shi during the surgery. I will update with the outcome tomorrow after I return home from school.

I wanted to also thank many of you for the requests of Roy and Shi's address so that you may send them a card. I am absolutely overwhelmed by the thoughtfulness! Thank you so very, very much! Here is their address:

Roy and Sheila Raley
35936 Tanglewood Drive
Eustis, Florida 32736

Again, much love to you all, and I will hopefully update tomorrow afternoon!

All In Less Than 24 Hours

I had all these things in my head that I had planned to say about why I love this song, how it has affected me, how it has been in my life consistently this past week, blah, blah, blah... but decided to just let it make it's own statement.

The past couple of days has been a whirlwind for all of us. Thursday morning, Roy met with a surgeon to discuss placing a port in his upper right chest area. This port is to help with the infusion of Gemzar, Roy's chosen Chemotherapy. Little did anyone know that less than 24 hours later, he would be in surgery at Florida Hospital Altamonte Surgical Center Friday morning having it placed. Jack, Shi, Lee, Sheryl, the kids and the whole gang were all there supporting Roy. Of course, Colby was very worried about "his job" as he calls it, of taking care of Pappaw. Jack called me at school to tell me a sweet story: After surgery, Roy was in recovery, and before the nurses were ready for anyone to come in, Colby looked at Jack and said, "Daddy, Pappaw NEEDS me to hold his hand! I need to be with him!". Long story short, the next thing I knew, Jack was calling to say that Colby was back there holding Roy's hand, while the rest of them were in the waiting room. Go figure... :)

We are still waiting on the blood test results concerning the liver. Roy is extremely jaundiced, and now his feet are swelling profusely most likely as a result of the liver not functioning properly. Hopefully we will hear more quickly and the stint for his liver will be placed in due time. Chemotherapy is scheduled tentatively to begin this Friday.

If I could ask one thing other than prayer from the family, it is to send Roy or Shi a card. They absolutely LOVE correspondence, and it lifts their spirits to read the well wishes. That is all for now. I begin teaching a new crop of third graders tomorrow, and the week of preplanning and no sleep is quickly catching up to me. :)

The Prognosis

Well, there she is. That is Dr. Linda Lukman, Roy's Oncologist. Jack described her as one of the most genuine, sweet women he has ever met. He said it made him feel comforted and reassured of the hands that his Dad's health was in. The quote he gave me was: "As long as you will let me, I will treat your Dad as I would have someone treat my father." That was all Jack needed to hear. He was convinced this is the doctor for his Dad.

I will try to relay the information the best I can as Jack described it to me. Roy's liver and pancreatic cancer are both extremely advanced. He has been diagnosed with Stage 4 cancer in both organs. The cancer is an extremely aggressive form, as it has made it to Stage 4 in less than a 3 month time frame. When cancer is this aggressive, advanced, and at Roy's age, the option to attempt to "cure" the cancer is not really a feasible option. Dr. Lukman would like to try to improve Roy's life expectancy and quality by a type of Chemotherapy called Gemzar. Again, this is not designed to cure it, but to extend both quality and length of life. Dr. Lukman said that she intends on treating him with this type of Chemotherapy every 2 weeks, or until it begins to make him sick. Roy will be fitted with a port just under the skin to help with the Chemotherapy infusion in order to save some veins from collapsing and to help with pain of injection site. I know some of you are asking, so here it is: Roy was given an average life expectancy of 6 months to 2 years to live. Liver and pancreatic cancer are both known for the intense pain they cause, so Dr. Lukman will be also sending Roy to a Pain Specialist to help alleviate some of the inevitable pain associated with these cancers.

The last issue at hand is Roy's jaundice. He is extremely yellow, and Dr. Lukman is quite concerned about this. She is not sure why it has gotten so bad so quickly, but blood tests have been ordered to understand. They should be available by tomorrow or Wednesday. Dr. Lukman gave a possible option for the problem. She may put in the liver a stint to relieve some of the pressure and natural flow. She wonders if the liver ducts may be blocked, thus causing the jaundice. We will have a definite answer and solution when the blood tests come back.

I really saw a sense of relief in Jack's face when I came home from work today. Yes, the end is inevitable and near, but it doesn't look as grim as it did yesterday. Roy and Sheila are celebrating their 50 year wedding anniversary next month on September 10th. We all feel fairly sure Roy will get to celebrate with his beautiful bride the life that so many of we married couples only pray to experience. 50 years - WOW. What an example of love and commitment. What a love that I want to live.

The journey is upon us. It is not easy, but God is NEVER failing, and He is NEVER too far away. I fell asleep praying for Jack's comfort as well as his family's last night. My heart is hurting for this man; my husband, the person who is my very best friend, my confidant, my rock. I see his pain, I feel it. He cares so very deeply for his parents, and wants to do so much more than he humanly can. I awoke knowing that God is right where He said He was going to be; beside me, beside Jack, beside Roy and Shi, beside us, beside all of you. He is NEVER failing. Thank you God for being You. Just what I need.

Isaiah 41:10
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.

I Have Great Friends

I have a great friend of mine, Kim Peterson, whom I am blessed in her friendship. Her son, Jack is my son's best friend. She sent this to me last night and I thought it was so fitting! Thank you, Kim!

Things I Cannot Understand
TGIF Today God Is First Volume 1 by Os HillmanFriday, August 14 2009

"Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know." Job 42:3b
If there was any one man on earth who had reason to question God's love, it was Job. He lost his family, his health, and his wealth - all at the same time. His friends came to his side only to question his spirituality. God had already answered the question of his integrity. Job was described in the opening verses of the book as "blameless and upright" (see Job 1:1). His calamities were not born from sin. Job acknowledged God's right to do anything in his life until one day he could take it no longer. He questioned God's motives.
God answered Job, but not in the way he wanted to hear. God answered him with a series of questions that represents the most incredible discourse of correction by God to any human being. Three chapters later, Job realized that he had questioned the motives of the Author of the universe, the Author of love. He fell flat before his Creator and realized his total depravity. "Surely I spoke of things I did not understand, things too wonderful for me to know."
Have you ever questioned God's activity in your life? Have you questioned His love for you based on circumstances that came your way? The cross at Calvary answers the love question. He sent His own Son in replacement for your sin. If you were the only person on earth, He would have done the same. His ways cannot always be understood or reconciled in our finite minds. That must be left for a future time when all will be understood. For now, entrust your life to Him completely. Embrace Him in the hard times and the good.